Beating the Mental Block

In my last blog, I didn't mention the "big news" that I had been given last week at physical therapy. 

We had hit the five week mark on my last surgery which meant some hand changes were about to happen. While my PT had been talking about putting me in another brace, instead he gave me the okay to go brace free nearly 24/7 (except for some heavy activities such as taking out the trash). This was major news because it allowed me to see that my hand isn't made of glass anymore.

The first few days were a little iffy because I was still afraid that if I even looked at my bare hand wrong, it would break. Plus, having my hand in a brace for the last 2 1/2 months made it extremely weak when left without support so there was a small transition period. I have used my brace for various things over the last week but have found myself using it less and less as time goes by.

My biggest mental test though came today when I decided to go back to the gym for the first time.

I've worked out a few times over the last few months but have always had a mental block that even though I had a brace on, I would do something to the tendons so I never stuck with it. But today without the brace, it felt like pre-injury back at the gym. I'm definitely not in as good of shape as when I left (totally a duh comment) but I completed the whole workout and found it easier than I thought it would be. Now my biggest challenge is going to be convincing myself to go daily. However, I think that after I complete a few days of constant training, I'll be good to go. Now that the mental block is gone (for today at least), everything should be much easier. I guess we'll see. Hopefully it isn't as hard to get myself back into pre-injury shape as it was the first time around.

By the way, I promise that a photo blog of last week's trip to see Mine That Bird and go to Churchill will be up in the next few days. The weekend was much to hectic to throw one together then.

Until next time,
Mel

A Confidence Boost

Every once in a while, my confidence in my professional life disappears. This being my first year being really involved with horse racing has really made me question myself at points. That is especially true when it comes to big races when I am in the office and I see others at the track. 

I often try to tell myself not to compare other peoples' lives with me but it is extremely hard. Seeing pictures of people my age doing what I aspire to do does push me harder but it also makes me question what I've done wrong and they've done right. While I love social media, this has been the biggest contributor to my "how the heck did I end up on this end of the job" thoughts. So it was only fitting that social media would boost my confidence.

I stopped by the Three Chimneys Facebook page today and imagine my surprise when I not only saw an article I did on Big Brown but also a few of my pictures taking over as their profile and cover photos.

Jen told me last week that she was "stealing" some of my pictures for the page but when I had stopped by last weekend, all that she had put up were pictures of the stallions making funny faces in a Friday Funnies album. So to see this was amazing. My confidence has been all over the place with the Preakness this week so this was exactly what I needed to keep my spirits somewhat up through the office grind. Now if I could only remind myself that I have a pretty posh job for being just a year out of college, I'd be set.

In other news, since my photoblog last week seemed to be pretty popular, I may do the same thing in the next few days I'm headed up to see Mine That Bird at Churchill Downs tomorrow so who knows, maybe I'll get a few nice pictures to share with everyone. If you like Mine That Bird or photoblogs, cross your fingers that I'll be back tomorrow.

Until next time,
Melissa

Firsts and Lasts

Happy one month anniversary.

No, this isn't a relationship anniversary or any other anniversary that most people celebrate. Instead, it's the one month anniversary of my third surgery (and the two month of my actual injury). That means that I haven't been in an operating room for a month and I haven't had any major setbacks in that same period of time (knock on wood).

Just to show the before and after....

Night of the accident

Four days after the first surgery

Today

I'm also exactly seven weeks from my second surgery so it's a goodish hand update all around. I go to the doctor on Monday and I'm thinking he's not going to be too happy with the limited movement in the tip of my index finger but we're really working on that in PT so I'm still optimistic.

In other news, today was sadly my last day at Three Chimneys. It involved a trip to Louisville to shadow Jen in one meeting before stopping off in Frankfort for another meeting. It was interesting to get to see that side of the job and even a little fun. I'm taking a break from internships for the summer to let my hand heal but I plan on returning to the farm side of things in the next few years (in my mind, by the time I'm 30 would be nice, haha). The more I did at Three Chimneys, the more I realized that ultimately I want to be on that side of the industry. The next step is planning the rest of the route I want to take to achieve that goal. That may be the hardest part.

After my internship was over today, I went out to the stallion paddocks with my cameras. I'm doing an article on Big Brown for ABR next week and needed some pictures of him. I also visited a few of the other boys and had fun snapping pictures of them. I've included some of them below.

The big man on campus... Big Brown.

Ice Box getting up close and comfortable with my camera.

My BFF Caleb's Posse. He's the love of my Three Chimneys' life.

One of the coolest feelings in the world is looking over at Caleb's pasture and having him watch me no matter where I am. I love this stallion.

The track where some of the stallions are exercised every morning.

War Chant, winner of the 2000 Breeders' Cup Mile

Brownie

Another shot of Caleb

Ice Box, winner of the Florida Derby

I got to enjoy a little spring storm while hanging with the boys.

World record holder Red Giant

Brilliant Speed, he's one of the many freshman stallions standing this year. If he doesn't make a good sire, I'll be surprised.

Flower Alley, sire of last year's Kentucky Derby and Preakness winner.

Brilliant Speed has quite the personality

Lewis Michael, one of last year's sneaky good freshman sires. 

War Chant

Ice Box

And to end the night, Caleb's Posse again.

Thoroughbreds For All Meant Inspiration For Me

Hey all,

Welcome to Derby week. This is the week we've been prepping for since the new year at work but for me, last weekend (well technically still this weekend I guess) was more exciting.

Due to the nature of being the assistant editor, I don't get out much when it comes to work. I'm usually the one putting up the stories from the people that do get to go out so when I heard of a local event benefiting Thoroughbred aftercare, I packed up my notebook, camera, and recorder and headed out.

While I expected it to be a pretty straight forward have fun and cover the event type of situation, it ended up being more than that.

Both Chris McCarron and Phillip Dutton were presenters and they are huge celebrities in two of my favorite horse sports. McCarron is a Hall of Fame Jockey and Phillip Dutton is an Olympic gold medalist and one of the top eventers running.

To make a long story short, they were extremely inspirational without even meaning to be. Watching McCarron work with an extremely nervous thoroughbred in an arena full of 500 people was something to behold. There are certain people that horses just listen to and he is one of them. From the whole event, the picture below of him working with Bilan is my favorite.

And of course, any time you listen to an Olympian speak, it's inspirational. Especially when they  basically give a mini-clinic in front of you that includes someone else that is riding at Rolex.

The whole night was amazing and has me scheming on how I can get an OTTB some day in the near future. Of course the first order of business is to bum rides on friends' horses before I get Vegas here so I can get back into a semblance of riding shape.  Going to the event also reminded me how much happier I am when I'm out and about covering events. I'll have to start pushing for that more often.

And because I got to get out of the office twice this week (the other time was Tuesday) to visit a Kentucky Derby winner, I'll leave you with this picture of Giacomo "smiling" for the camera.

I have my three week post-surgery doctor appointment tomorrow so depending on how that goes you may get another blog tomorrow.

But until next time,
Mel

In Which I Give Up the Fulbright

As I sit here going through pictures after spending the last two days attached to my camera in various horse related activities and coming off the high of watching the police catch the second Boston Bombing suspect, I got to thinking... my life is pretty awesome.

While that probably sounds conceited, it's something I've forgotten in the midst of my troubles the last few months.

If you are friends with me on Facebook and keep up with my news feed there (don't feel guilty if you don't, I post a lot), you know that last month I was granted a Fulbright. But due to circumstances, including the months of rehab I have ahead with my hand, I had to turn it down. I spent a week thinking long and hard about it and decided at the time that the unknowns with my hand left too much to chance. That probably proved to be a wise decision since I had two major setbacks in the three week, including a third surgery, after I declined.

I have definitely had some "wtf" days where I think about the offer I turned down but then I consider the upside. My biggest goal is to work in the horse racing industry. I do want to spent time doing that in Europe and the Fulbright would have gotten me there but it's unlikely I'd be able to do all that I do here. 

I'm in the perfect place to visit a bunch of world class farms, can go to a track 15 minutes from my house to watch serious horses compete/work out, I can attend sales to learn more about a part of the industry that I am in love with, and I've been given the opportunity to intern at a farm so I can learn some of the inside stuff that I had never considered. Plus, I've learned that being a fan of the sport is a lot different than working in it. 

Just from my time at Three Chimneys and working for Paulick Report and America's Best Racing, I've been forced to look at the sport in a different light and have learned more than I could have imagined. And I plan on working out even more opportunities (hint: if you're looking for a part-time intern or extra help, I'll be available) in the Fall after my hand is farther on the road to recovery to learn even more.

So yes, the Fulbright would have been an awesome experience but for my goals, staying close to home for the time being is probably more worthwhile to me. I am extremely thankful to the people that helped me get the Fulbright (Dr. K, Butler, etc etc) and who knows, maybe I'll try for it again in a few years. But if the last two days (and even the past six months) have taught me anything, it's that my hand injury was a blessing in disguise. I can't wait to see what is in store next (as long as it isn't bad and doesn't have anything to do with my hand outside of recovering).

Until next time,
Melissa

That Moment of Frustration

When I was thinking up this blog after my doctor appointment earlier today, it was mostly sunshine and rainbows. Then the Boston Marathon bombing happened and massive frustration came pouring in.

The first frustration came from the event itself, but just like reasons to be angry, reasons to be frustrated multiply when given a chance. That frustration turned into a frustration about my social life (admittedly not great at the moment), frustration at having to turn down the Fulbright, and the somewhat troubling news from my doctor appointment today when I found that the tendon in the finger they repaired six days ago is sticking (not a horrible thing at this stage in the game but still frustrating). Finally, the frustration that I feel like crap while detoxing from my strong pain meds made one angry me.

So I went for a walk.

That was a good thing at first until the end when I was nearly dead. Now I'm frustrated about how out of shape I am. It's just not a good night.

The positive thing about all of this is that while I can't change what happened in Boston, I can change other things. I can improve my social life, something I plan on doing this week. I still think that turning down the Fulbright was my best move with my injury and I can still go to Europe and even move there on day if that's what I decide. I can improve my finger, since Dr. L thinks there is swelling in there I'll just add a few doses of ibuprofen to my day again. That's something I did after the last two surgeries, but not this one. 

On the withdrawal of my pain meds, I'm on my second full day without them so I've been told that I should feel better tomorrow or the next day. And finally, it'll be easy to get back into shape. In December, I wouldn't have been able to complete the nearly 1.7 mile walk I did tonight in anywhere near the 32 minutes I did it in. No, it's not jogging, but I'll get back to that.

And this quote from my friend's Facebook is the perfect somewhat ending to tonight's blog:
"Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there – fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge – they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around."
- Love Actually

So yes, tonight I will let myself sulk but I have positives that I will remember in the morning. After all, everyone needs a bad day every once in a while.

If it weren't for bad luck...

In the words of my boss (and many others) "if you didn't have bad luck, you wouldn't have any luck at all".

My (joking) reply is that I'll take the no luck. Apparently the luck that comes with Irish blood skipped a generation when it came to me.

I was going to give everyone an update last week with good news then like every step of this injury, things went wrong. Last Monday  I woke up with a swollen index finger that we found out was an infection on Tuesday. On Saturday, I felt the all too familiar pop that meant a tendon had done something wrong but I ignored it, thinking that it was something else to do with the infection. But on Monday morning when I woke up and all but the tip of the finger moved, I figured I'd be going back under the knife (the surgery one, not the one that started this whole thing). 

I had a follow up appointment from my first surgery later that day so I didn't have to worry about getting in to be seen. From my appointment time to surgery was a whirlwind. I had the appointment at 1:15, decided on surgery by 1:45, mom was looking for flights here by 2 (something I'm extremely grateful for), I found out I had to be to the hospital by 5:45am the next morning an hour later, I wrapped up work for the week by 7:15pm, was home getting ready for the next day by 7:45, and picked up mom at the airport at 1am. 

By 7:30 this morning, 18 hours later, I was on the table with a trip back home to my bed by 10am. It really has been a whirlwind day. To top it off, it is the one month anniversary of the accident, so it's almost poetic that the fingers have to have something done to them today.

But really, I'm not all that upset about this one. I did everything I could to prevent it and the finger was 5 weeks out of surgery so it shouldn't have happened. My doctor is just as baffled as me so unlike my second surgery where I was irritated at myself, I am shrugging this one off as a freak thing.

This does push back my horse plans (see that blog post here) from June to whenever I am given permission to do normal activities, but I have some awesome friends with awesome horses that have offered me a way to get my horse fix.

The good news is that unless I do something horrible to my body (that is definitely not in my plans), I get to avoid the OR for at least three months. My doctor wants me to heal and if I pop another stitch out of the tendon, he has a way to fix that if it is an older injury. After being in the OR so much the last month it's nice to be banned from it. However, my big goal is obviously to avoid it for the rest of my life.

I haven't been to PT since we found this injury (although I did have to cancel my appointment for today so he knows something is up) so it'll be fun to see what those guys say tomorrow when I go in with mom. Their response to this may even be blog worthy.

Until next time,
Mel