That Moment of Frustration

When I was thinking up this blog after my doctor appointment earlier today, it was mostly sunshine and rainbows. Then the Boston Marathon bombing happened and massive frustration came pouring in.

The first frustration came from the event itself, but just like reasons to be angry, reasons to be frustrated multiply when given a chance. That frustration turned into a frustration about my social life (admittedly not great at the moment), frustration at having to turn down the Fulbright, and the somewhat troubling news from my doctor appointment today when I found that the tendon in the finger they repaired six days ago is sticking (not a horrible thing at this stage in the game but still frustrating). Finally, the frustration that I feel like crap while detoxing from my strong pain meds made one angry me.

So I went for a walk.

That was a good thing at first until the end when I was nearly dead. Now I'm frustrated about how out of shape I am. It's just not a good night.

The positive thing about all of this is that while I can't change what happened in Boston, I can change other things. I can improve my social life, something I plan on doing this week. I still think that turning down the Fulbright was my best move with my injury and I can still go to Europe and even move there on day if that's what I decide. I can improve my finger, since Dr. L thinks there is swelling in there I'll just add a few doses of ibuprofen to my day again. That's something I did after the last two surgeries, but not this one. 

On the withdrawal of my pain meds, I'm on my second full day without them so I've been told that I should feel better tomorrow or the next day. And finally, it'll be easy to get back into shape. In December, I wouldn't have been able to complete the nearly 1.7 mile walk I did tonight in anywhere near the 32 minutes I did it in. No, it's not jogging, but I'll get back to that.

And this quote from my friend's Facebook is the perfect somewhat ending to tonight's blog:
"Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there – fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge – they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around."
- Love Actually

So yes, tonight I will let myself sulk but I have positives that I will remember in the morning. After all, everyone needs a bad day every once in a while.

If it weren't for bad luck...

In the words of my boss (and many others) "if you didn't have bad luck, you wouldn't have any luck at all".

My (joking) reply is that I'll take the no luck. Apparently the luck that comes with Irish blood skipped a generation when it came to me.

I was going to give everyone an update last week with good news then like every step of this injury, things went wrong. Last Monday  I woke up with a swollen index finger that we found out was an infection on Tuesday. On Saturday, I felt the all too familiar pop that meant a tendon had done something wrong but I ignored it, thinking that it was something else to do with the infection. But on Monday morning when I woke up and all but the tip of the finger moved, I figured I'd be going back under the knife (the surgery one, not the one that started this whole thing). 

I had a follow up appointment from my first surgery later that day so I didn't have to worry about getting in to be seen. From my appointment time to surgery was a whirlwind. I had the appointment at 1:15, decided on surgery by 1:45, mom was looking for flights here by 2 (something I'm extremely grateful for), I found out I had to be to the hospital by 5:45am the next morning an hour later, I wrapped up work for the week by 7:15pm, was home getting ready for the next day by 7:45, and picked up mom at the airport at 1am. 

By 7:30 this morning, 18 hours later, I was on the table with a trip back home to my bed by 10am. It really has been a whirlwind day. To top it off, it is the one month anniversary of the accident, so it's almost poetic that the fingers have to have something done to them today.

But really, I'm not all that upset about this one. I did everything I could to prevent it and the finger was 5 weeks out of surgery so it shouldn't have happened. My doctor is just as baffled as me so unlike my second surgery where I was irritated at myself, I am shrugging this one off as a freak thing.

This does push back my horse plans (see that blog post here) from June to whenever I am given permission to do normal activities, but I have some awesome friends with awesome horses that have offered me a way to get my horse fix.

The good news is that unless I do something horrible to my body (that is definitely not in my plans), I get to avoid the OR for at least three months. My doctor wants me to heal and if I pop another stitch out of the tendon, he has a way to fix that if it is an older injury. After being in the OR so much the last month it's nice to be banned from it. However, my big goal is obviously to avoid it for the rest of my life.

I haven't been to PT since we found this injury (although I did have to cancel my appointment for today so he knows something is up) so it'll be fun to see what those guys say tomorrow when I go in with mom. Their response to this may even be blog worthy.

Until next time,
Mel

Rehab Day 1... again

I was going to apologize for my last very short post but it turns out that I never posted it so never mind on that point. This blog post is going to be a little down so sorry about that.

After my surgery last Thursday, I didn't take everything as seriously as I should have. I'm extremely independent so after letting people take care of me the first two days, I went back to being independent. I did everything by myself and that's where I went wrong. I really should have asked for more help.

A myriad of factors came together for my latest drama this week as I was put on antibiotics that we now think I was allergic to. This led to me getting spasms and shakes and in a total freak accident, a finger they repaired last week spasmed and the stitch holding the tendon together let go, putting the tendon in pre-surgery mode, only worse since it tore even more.

But even surgery and that tear didn't make me realize how much trouble I may be in until physical therapy today. I will be in my brace for at least 12 weeks with PT 3 days a week for the foreseeable future and that's only if there are no setbacks.

I am extremely lucky this time to have my mother here this week to (sorry for the term) wait on me hand and foot so I can't do any more damage for a few days. Since she flew in just for my surgery, I don't feel as bad about bugging her as I did the other people that have helped me over the past few weeks so I can be more dependent for a little while until she flies out again.

To be honest, having the reality hit me that my situation is serious has made me sit back and realize that I need to accept help and not act like a tough person. 

Last week, I figuratively got back on the work horse within two days of surgery. While getting back on the site and working distracted me and didn't do actual harm, it probably didn't help either. This time, I've taken a few extra days off at the request of my doctor and may even add more days depending on how I feel.

I'm definitely on a long road and all I can hope is that I recover as fast as possible even though I've already been told "slow and steady wins the race". But it has also given me a chance to think about some things I never would have thought about before and for that I am extremely grateful.

For those that want to see my hand two weeks after the initial injury...

3/22-1 week after first surgery, 1 day after second surgery, 13 days after initial accident.

Rehab Week 1

Hey everyone,

Welcome to my life two days after surgery. Surprisingly, I'm not in that much pain at the moment but I credit that to the pain meds. Surgery went well on Thursday, although there was apparently more damage than expected so the surgery took a little longer than scheduled. I can move everything so that's a big plus because I was really worried about that.

Yesterday morning was painful but when my mom reminded me I need to take two pills of the specific pain med I'm on for it to have an effect on me, life got a lot better. I also started physical therapy yesterday, it was massively painful but no pain, no gain. I've been doing exercises every hour and go back for both PT and my follow-up appointment on Monday morning so I'll have more updates on that later.

The block I use to keep my hand elevated when sleeping

I return to work tomorrow but will be working from home since I can't drive until the 26th. I'm definitely ready since I've been bored the last two days. ABR has been amazing about this whole thing so I really owe them.

And finally, I did my first bit of exercising today. It was just a walk down to the store because I didn't want to bug anyone to pick me up some stuff ( I have had some awesome people helping me and wanted to give them a day off) but felt really good. I haven't been able to do anything for two weeks, first because of being sick then this and I can't get my hand sweaty so just walking around makes me feel somewhat accomplished. I'm ready to get back to the gym though.

I don't have much more to say so I'll give you another update when I know more.

-Mel

Stupid is as Stupid Does

Sometimes you do stupid things and other times you do STUPID thing. Last night I did a STUPID thing.

I decided that one of my candles needed a hole in it to drain the wax that had been putting it out. About the time I decided that I should stop, the knife slipped. Because I never do anything at half-effort, I cut three of my fingers on my right hand. But I didn't just lightly cut them like some might do. Instead I sliced them open, cutting two tendons in my ring finger, one in my tendon, and nicking one in my middle finger in addition to cutting a bunch of nerves.

It's safe to say that I called 9-1-1, got a ride in an ambulance, and spent a few hours in the ER. There were also a few minutes when I panicked because I couldn't get ahold of either of the people in this town that I would call with this sort of info (that's something that had me feeling extremely alone here, I think my social life will definitely be something I focus more attention on in the future). Thankfully one of them called me back and NR was a life saver, spending time with me at the hospital, taking me home, and bringing me needed supplies this morning.

Unfortunately, this isn't nearly over. I have 10 weeks or so of recovery time in front of me, including surgery in the next few weeks. So forgive me if there's not much blogging in the next few months, timing with one hand is more complicated than one would think.

And for those that laugh about my "birthday month" curse (March 23 is my birthday), all I can say is it continues. I'll hopefully outgrow this some day.

For those that are interested in seeing the stitching job, I included a picture below. I'll save you from seeing the pre-stitch picture, that one is not pretty.

The stitch job

My lovely cast

Book Review: Born to Run: A Hidden Tribe, Superathletes, and the Greatest Race the World Has Never Seen

Hello readers!

I've decided to do a bit different format for the blog from now on than how I used to do it. To be honest, my life is kind of boring and if I were to stumble onto the blog and read a few posts, I'd probably quickly click off. I figure if I get bored writing about it, you all probably get bored reading about it. Although, this format may be just as boring, but we'll see. 

If you remember back for my New Year's resolution, one of my goals was to read 40 books this year. I'm already eight books in but I thought it would be kind of fun to pass on suggestions of what I've read by doing a book review every time I finish a book (there will still be a little bit about my life if interesting stuff happens, don't worry). I figure people are always asking for suggestions on books so why not give them an honest review of ones I read.

The first book to hit this list is Born to Run: A Hidden Tribe, Superathletes, and the Greatest Race the World Has Never Seen.

It probably helps that I am in a running phase right now but even if I wasn't, this book is really motivational. It took a lot of time, and a little research, to convince myself that this isn't a fiction book. It's based around a tribe called the Tarahumara who live in Mexico's Copper Canyons but also talks about other ultra running events that led up to a group of Americans racing the Tarahumara over 100 miles in the canyon. The Tarahumara pretty much live to run, they'll run for hundreds of miles just for the fun of it and one of the big things in the book was that they don't suffer injuries, even though they only run in sandal-like shoes.

One of the major things I took from this book (other than the motivation to try and figure out how people can get in shape to run 100 miles over "ultra" hard trails) is the science behind the gear modern day humans use for so many things and how it can also be hurting us. Lastly, the author took a look back at our caveman days and found that after the ice age, we were built to be marathoners. While I don't think I'll ever be able to run 100 miles in a few days (or even want to for that matter), it amazes me that there are people fit enough out there to go that far and motivates me to continue with my jogging even though I'm slowly working my way over humps that aren't making motivation easy.

I give this book 4 out of 5 stars. I will read it again at some point and couldn't put it down when I was reading it. Even if you aren't into running or even science, this book is an awesome story that you can definitely think of as a fictional tale. I'd recommend it to anyone looking for a book to read.

In life news:
Like I said before, not much is going on. My life has massively settled down since the beginning of the month and that's a welcome sight. I am currently writing stories catching up with the Derby winners from the past 20 years that you can see on followhorseracing.com but that's about all I have for you right now.

Have a great day everyone. 
-Mel

Looking Forward Instead of Back

Two days ago when I started this blog, I was going to make it into a pity party. As that is not me, I decided to step back and wait for my emotions to calm down and I'm glad I did. All that I will say is that it has been a very bad few weeks and I have everything crossed that it is over. 

But today I made the decision that it just isn't worth it to have a pity party anymore. I can't change what happened and that's that. Instead, I focused on the positive and made some more decisions. For the positive, I have an awesome job and can afford to live in a place that not many people can (or are willing to try for that matter). I have a support team behind me and even though my personal life isn't exactly where I want it at this moment, that's something that I can solve if I put my mind to it.

Farther down the list, I have also decided that it's time to get ready to return to the part that got me into the equestrian world. I've set a goal of having a horse here by this summer and I intend to see it through. Horses are my sanity and even though I've been able to play with some of the top horses in the industry in past weeks (see below), I haven't been able to get on one or have goals for one in months.

Spending as much time as I want with PG has been a dream

I'll admit I wasn't a Brownie fan when he was racing but he's growing on me ...

This of course means cutting back on other things to afford not only to board a horse here but to possibly ship one here. Although, the possibility that the second part may not be as easy as it sounds has crossed my mind and I'm going to cross that bridge when I get there. While my student loans are also coming due soon, I have planned that as well.

First, I've cut out nearly all fast food from my diet (I do have a Subway addiction that I'm not willing to break but I've cut that back dramatically too) and it's amazing not only how much better I'm feeling only 5 days after my "last meal" but it's also been nice not to touch any plastic cards and see the money leaving my bank account with every bite. I still don't cook much but the meals I did buy when I went grocery shopping the other day are healthier than any meal I can get from Dairy Queen or Sonic and are leaving me with more energy and I'm not feeling bloated like I used to. Plus, as I am well behind on my 5k training, it's also making me more optimistic that I may be able to pull something off in three weeks.

Second, I've paid more money in the short term to save in the long term. When I started my job at Paulick Report, I bought a portable modem that let me have internet on the go. Since I was splitting bills with two other people at the time, the $50 a month wasn't a big deal. However, with my own apartment, that $50 was adding to the $45 I also paid for my apartment internet. It cost me a cancelling fee in the short term but that $50 will be nice in my bank account moving forward. I'm also working on cutting back on electricity to lower another bill but that is a work in progress.

Finally for the student loans... I am currently working on an application to consolidate all of them into one. If I get that, it will cut that payment down and make my life much easier. And easier is always better.

I'm a very goal driven person so hopefully all my solutions will work and I can reach this one... if not, there may be more bad weeks in my future.

Until next time,
Mel